Watching someone you care about go through abuse is deeply upsetting and knowing what to do can feel overwhelming. Whether the abuse is emotional, physical, psychological or financial, your support can make a real difference. While you may not be able to “fix” the situation, being present and informed can help your friend feel less alone and more empowered to take steps when they’re ready.
1. Listen without judgement
The most important thing you can do is to simply listen. People in abusive situations often feel isolated, ashamed, or confused. They might not even fully realise they’re being abused, especially if it’s not physical. Try to create a safe, non-judgemental space where your friend can open up in their own time.
Avoid offering quick solutions or telling them what to do. Phrases like “Why don’t you just leave?” can come across as dismissive or naïve. Instead, use supportive language such as, “That sounds really difficult—I’m here for you,” or “You don’t deserve to be treated like that.”
2. Learn about the dynamics of abuse
To offer meaningful support, it helps to understand what abuse looks like and why leaving isn’t always simple. Abusers often use control, fear, guilt, or manipulation to keep their partners in the relationship. Financial dependence, children, cultural expectations, or fear of not being believed can also be huge barriers.
Do a bit of research—many UK-based organisations like Women’s Aid or Refuge offer excellent resources that explain the different forms of abuse and how to spot the signs. Understanding these dynamics helps you be a more informed and patient ally.
3. Offer practical and emotional support
If your friend is ready to take action, ask what they need rather than assuming. This might include helping them research support services, offering to attend appointments with them, or simply being someone they can message when things feel overwhelming.
Emotional support is just as important as practical help. Let them know you believe them, you care, and you’re not going anywhere. If they’re not ready to take big steps, that’s okay too. Your steady presence can be a lifeline.
You can also help by gently encouraging them to create a safety plan, especially if things are escalating. That might involve knowing where they could go in an emergency, packing essentials, keeping important phone numbers accessible, or even beginning an abuse claim with the right professionals.
4. Look after yourself too
Supporting someone through abuse can be emotionally exhausting. You might feel helpless, frustrated, or even scared. Make sure you’re looking after your own wellbeing, too. Talk to someone you trust, or reach out to a support service for friends and family of abuse survivors.
Remember, you’re not responsible for fixing the situation—you’re there to offer kindness, compassion, and support. Your care might be one of the few constants in your friend’s life right now.
If you’re ever in doubt, there are many organisations that offer confidential advice both for survivors and their supporters. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just show up—and keep showing up.
